


The Right Tie

by LoveHGSS



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 13:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveHGSS/pseuds/LoveHGSS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Barney and Robin’s wedding day. Barney finds himself taking a trip back down memory lane until it’s time for the actual ceremony. Told from Barney’s POV. Rated T for language and very mild content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Tie

Today is the day. I’m marrying Robin Scherbatsky. It’s been a long, hard road and I’m sitting in a room by myself wondering how the heck we ended up here. We agreed so long ago to never get married, to never have kids, to never, ever do the tradition crap that normal people do. Because we aren’t normal. We’re Barney and Robin. When we’re alone I call us Batman and Robin, but she doesn’t like that very much. She also refuses to call me ‘Batman’ unless I tickle her into submission. Then she gets mad at me. Women.

Maybe it started because we decided to work things out after Quinn left me for some stupid hippie. I think she said his name was Paul Vasquez. He invented something to do with double rainbows. It’s funny how history repeats itself. Ah well, she stopped trimming the hair on her lady parts anyway. Gross. Robin has promised to let me trim them while she sleeps if she ever stops. That’s why she’s the one I’m marrying. Well, not the only reason, but one of the main ones. Okay, not really, but that’ll be what I tell people anyway. Where was I? Right! Because Quinn and I were only engaged for about a month, I got over it quickly. Robin said I needed to wait at least a week until I asked her for comfort sex. I explained to her that after a week it was just pity sex, not comfort sex. She didn’t listen, though. Can’t say I didn’t try!

The truth is that I didn’t care that Quinn left. I hadn’t cared about much since Robin had picked Kevin over me. The only reason I didn’t run right back after her when Kevin called things off was because I was mad. I had my pride to worry about, but as time went on, I pushed it to the side and moved on with my life. Quinn helped me in realizing that there are other people out there. She also helped me to realize that none of them would ever compare to the woman I’m about to give my last name to, even if she annoys the shit out of me sometimes. Especially when she leaves the toilet seat down. ‘No manners Canuck’ is what I call her. Not to her face, though. I do highly value my testicles.

Speaking of being annoyed, she insisted we do bachelor and bachelorette parties. I said I refused to allow her to have one. Somehow, she then found it inappropriate for me to have one! Who does that? Of course a man is supposed to have a bachelor party. What do women get out of theirs? They just sit around and knit with the guys in their bedroom, right? That’s what my mom said when she had guys coming and going from her room before she was going to marry that guy whose name I can’t remember now. Robin dropped it after I said that, so I guess she agreed that knitting is not for awesome people like her. Not that my mom isn’t awesome. My mom is awesome in a mom kind of way.

I also think we’re doing it traditionally because that’s what Robin secretly wants. I saw her looking at a wedding dress online once. She claims it was because it was ‘a friend’ of hers. I had never seen her before. And trust me, with a rack like that, I’d remember her. Robin also mentioned that this ‘prince’ was getting married, and that made me realize that she wants to be a princess and have a serious wedding. I explained this to her but she told me I was wrong. She’s so cute when she tries to cover up her true desires.

So, I went out and bought a $10,000 white gold ring with all this fancy stuff on it. It’s a princess-cut diamond frame split shank ring blah blah blah. There are two tiers of a billion little diamonds around the big one in the middle with more little diamonds on the double-band as well. And something about princess-cut sapphires being set into the bezel of the ring. Apparently, sapphires mean everlasting love and faithfulness. Vera promised me she would love it. Robin only yelled at me for about an hour over the cost of the ring so I’d say she more than loved it. It took her little bit to get used to it but now she shows it off to everyone when they ask about it. See, what did I tell you? Princess.

I proposed in a really stupid, romantic way, too. I did it in the middle of MacLaren’s. I surprised her with all her friends and family from Canada being there and then I had a mariachi band start playing. Then I went on and on about how much she meant to me and how much we had grown together in that very building. She’d broken my heart there but I wanted to have new memories to erase all the bad ones. I had looked up a ton of proposal speeches online, but none of them had Robin’s name in it, so I took it as a sign that I was supposed to come up with something on my own. I just kind of winged it. It was pretty awwwwsome. Mostly because she said ‘yes’. But also because the mariachi band was really good at mariachi-ing.

I wasn’t surprised when she said she would marry me, even though Ted told me that three months didn’t seem like a long enough time. I not-so-kindly reminded him of the fact that I’ve loved her for years and that he needed to keep his stupid nose out of our business, even though I had asked his advice. When will people learn that when I ask for advice, they're supposed to agree with what I say? That’s how advice works, isn’t it? Lily and Marshall understand this, as they were both supportive of the idea. I almost told Marshall not to come because he kept getting all emotional whenever I brought it up. That gorgeous little baby of theirs is turning him into more of a woman than he already was.

“Barney?”

I snap my head up and look at Ted, who’s standing in the doorway with some stupid smile on his face. He left to go talk to Robin after I put on an amazing performance about having something along the lines of cold feet. I knew he was expecting it, so I brushed up on some movie scenes and piled them all in together. I didn’t want to have to hear Ted babbling on about how calm and collected I am sometime in the future.

“What’s up?” I ask, standing and straightening my tie for umpteenth time. Can’t get married with a crooked tie.

“It’s time,” he says, that stupid smile getting bigger.

“Let’s it do!” I say, a sudden burst of nerves racing through my system. I shake them off, knowing that the small amount of worry doesn’t even compare to the amount of confidence I have that this is the right decision.

Ted and I walk to a small door leading into the chapel. It had been Robin who ultimately decided we should get married in a church. We were going the traditional route, so we might as well do it to the extreme. Ted clasps me on the back and I take a deep breath before walking into the church alone. I smile at the guests, all five hundred of them. Robin hadn’t wanted that many people, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted everyone to see this, because it was going to be the most amazing occurrence in the history of the world. My mom waves to me from the front row and I roll my eyes. There she is making a spectacle of herself again.

The priest is a man I knew growing up, one who didn’t make us take all the stupid premarital crap for an extra few hundred bucks. I’m feeling a little anxious, but mostly because I cannot wait to see Robin in her dress. I hate secrets. Robin has been so sneaky about hiding this wedding dress from me. I’m actually very impressed. And let me tell you, I looked for this thing like you wouldn’t believe. I came very close to hiring a private investigator, but figured Robin would kill me if she found out. Somehow she always finds out these kind of things. Perhaps she has her own private investigator…

The soft sounds of an orchestra quartet pull me out of thoughts. I look down the aisle and see the large doors swing open, revealing Ted and Lily –my best man and Robin’s maid of honor. My breath catches as I realize that this is it. It’s really happening. I’m getting married. I don’t even pay attention to how beautiful Lily looks in her pink dress as she takes her place and the next two people come into view. I find myself glancing around them, needing to see Robin before I have a full panic attack. The thought of running down the aisle, past Marshall and Robin’s sister Katie crosses my mind, but before I can act upon it, the traditional wedding march begins.

I feel as if someone has pressed ‘slow motion’. I see the priest’s arms go up and the entire chapel stands. I look back down the aisle that has flowers wrapping around the pews just in time to see everyone rise to their feet. Robin’s father appears in the doorway and then from the other side comes… My God, she is so fucking beautiful. My lungs have stopped functioning. I’m lightheaded and disoriented, everything blurring except for this beacon of light surrounding her. My Robin. My bride. The woman I will soon be promising my life to.

The feeling is so overwhelming that my knees buckle and my eyes fill with tears. I clench my jaw and will the moisture to recede. I’m once again taken over by the urge to bolt down the aisle, wanting her as close as possible as these emotions run through me. They aren’t scary anymore. When I look at her slowly getting closer, I feel nothing but happiness and unwavering love. Those stunning crystal blue and grey eyes lock onto mine and relief floods me as she smiles. I take the moment of clarity to look at her beautiful white dress.

The sheer sleeves that don’t quite hang off her shoulders, the cute little veil behind her, the slight shimmer of the fabric that leads down her body to that flair at the bottom… she is perfection to me. Even in a potato sack, she would be perfect to me. Perfect for me. We’ve been through so much in such a short amount of time but it all seems to fall away as she comes to fully stand before me. I’m so taken by her that I nearly miss the priest telling everyone they can be seated.

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate, these two persons present now come to be joined. If anyone can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

A certain smirk I knew all too well pops up on Robin’s face. “Hold it.”

If she wasn’t holding my hands, I probably would be hitting the ground right now.

“No, Barney,” she says quickly, stepping closer to me. “I can’t do this traditional crap. I don’t want the generics. I mean… I do, but I want to have it said by no one but us.”

“Vows?” I croak, nerves welling up inside me. “I… I didn’t write any, Robin!”

“Then I’ll start. I haven’t written any either. But walking down that aisle… I had so much to say and it won’t ever be right saying it another time.”

I find myself nodding. “Ladies first.”

Any hesitation is wiped away as a 100-watt smile appears on her face. I feel Ted’s hand on my upper arm just as I see Lily touch Robin’s. They hand us our wedding bands and I take a deep breath, knowing this is the end of the road, but the very beginning of a new one. Robin turns back to me after a brief word with Lily and takes my left hand into both of hers.

“Batman,” she says with a sigh, and I can’t help but giggle like a six year old, “I have loved you for so long. It’s been challenging. Really challenging.” I glare at Lily as she laughs along with everyone else. “However, there’s no one I’d rather be challenged by then you. We kept coming back to each other, time after time after time. And no, it wasn’t always easy and we didn’t always come back to the other at the right time, but we’re here now. Look at us. We’re getting married.”

“Your idea,” I mumble. Robin rolls her eyes.

“The point I’m making is that you’re my best friend. I’m more myself with you than I’ve ever been with anyone else. You’ll smoke a cigar with me and you’ll make me do things I never thought could be fun. So these are my vows to you. I vow that I will only ever cheat on you with one of your alter-egos. I vow to never leave you in your times of need, whether you ask me to or not. I vow that even though we aren’t traditional, that I’ll always remember this moment as the best of my life because I want nothing more than to be yours in every possible way for the rest of our lives. I vow that I will cherish every moment, good or bad, with you, because any moment with you is the best moment. And lastly, I vow to you my heart, my soul, and my body until the day I die.”

“And after,” I add quickly.

“And after,” she agrees. “With this ring, I three wed.” I feel her sliding the thick ring onto my finger, but I can’t take my eyes off of her.

I have this terrible urge to kiss her but she squeezes my hand and shakes her head. “You know me so well,” I whisper, but then speak up so the rest of the church can hear. “Scherbatsky, you’ve changed me in ways I didn’t know I could change. I didn’t even notice how much until a few months ago. It’s like… think about a giant lump of sexy clay that does a lot of stupid things. You took that sexy lump of clay and made all these things with it. You gave me a new kind of confidence and understanding. I didn’t always do what I should have, but I always ended up doing it with you. I have never once had the urge to stray from you, Robin, because there’s no one that could ever compare to you. There just isn’t, it’s a fact.”

“I would hope not,” she murmurs.

“No matter how many chicks I banged… I mean… You’re like the shark in a sea of fish. And I’m the only other shark. Because we match, you know? Everyone else is just a teeny, tiny fish and you’re this great white shark!” I notice the pitying smile on Robin’s face and realize I’m shoving my foot in my mouth. “What I’m trying to say is that I love you, all of you, even the crazy Canadian side of you. With that said, I vow to you that I will never stray from you, even when we’re old and ugly and there’s some hot bimbo into older guys hitting on me. I vow to protect you no matter the cost.” My voice is now wavering as I see tears building in Robin’s eyes. “I vow to be the man that you need all the time, not just some of the time. And lastly, I vow that I will love you and cherish you, with all that I am, for the rest of our lives and beyond. With this ring, I thee wed.” I very slowly slip the band onto her ring finger. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she whispers back just as the tears fall down her cheeks.

My focus on Robin is broken as the priest starts speaking; I almost forgot he’s here. “Do you, Barney, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“Uh… yeah! Oh, wait, not, I mean… I do.”

Robin’s smile tells me I didn’t mess that up too badly.

“And do you, Robin, take Barney to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Those two little words throw me over the edge and I’m diving in for a kiss as the priest pronounces us husband and wife. The room fades away as my lips meet hers. My wife. Robin Stinson. I cup her face and hold her there for another few minutes, not ready to come back to reality quite yet. She finally pulls back, but leans in for another quick kiss before putting her hands over mine.

“How’s that ball and chain feel?” she asks with a laugh.

I shake my head from side to side. “Not too bad, actually. It helps that she’s smokin’ hot.”

I wince as she smacks me in the stomach. “Come along, Mr. Stinson, we have a reception to go to.”

“Why, Mrs. Stinson, are you trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me?” I ask with wide eyes.

“That was the plan, yes,” she replies with a laugh.

I turn and offer her my arm, which she takes. “Well… you know what this means, right?”

Robin nods and takes a deep breath. “That’s going to be legen….wait for it… and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because the next word is….”

“Dary!” I finish for her, my free arm suddenly rising in an open invitation. Before I even realize this, I feel her open hand slapping mine in the first high-five as a married couple.

I definitely picked the right tie.

**Author's Note:**

> Please take just a moment out to review! I’d really love to hear what you thought of this story! Thank you so much for reading!


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